New Spin on Oil Spill


In a surprising move to lighten the fuel-cost burden for the US and its illegal aliens,  BP is releasing an undisclosed quantity of oil into the Gulf of Mexico for an undisclosed period of time. “If you have a boat and you have a bucket, help yourself. Use it; sell it; or give it away,” said a BP representative who spoke through a voice synthesizer behind a heavy curtain.  When asked how BP expected the average citizen to refine the oil, the representative replied, “We have written a curriculum to be used in school science classes. Now the whole family can be involved.” There was a short pause, then the room rocked with BP’s  new theme song, “Family Values Are Slick.”

When asked about the environmental impact of BP’s  philanthropic gesture, the representative noted that sun screen supplies, outsourced to China, are being banned from export to create a melanoma epidemic in the Wicked West. Without tempting beaches, more Americans will live to attend their grandchildren’s divorces. (in the printed background material in the press kit, “divorces” had been changed to “weddings.”) The next verse of the theme song, “Family Values Are an Indoor Virtue” boomed around the room.

The representative said that further information could be obtained by calling their toll free number 1-800-get-gast. After selecting from a menu of 49 options, I was put on hold for two days before Randy with a heavy Farsi accent advised me to get a camel.


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5 Responses to “New Spin on Oil Spill”

  1. PAT Says:

    loved it

  2. Lori Says:

    Unfortunately, I won’t be able to afford the upkeep on the camel. I will be too busy paying the new tax levied upon me that will supposedly go toward the clean-up BP’s mess…

  3. PAT Says:


    • stiggerink Says:

      I am the reporter. The press conference was held in the basement of a local YMCA. The usual drinks and refreshments were not served. Cheap outift.

  4. Susan Yates Says:

    You are hysterical! And I mean that in the best possible way.

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