(a bread crumb, not a food fight)

When I was forty, a divorced woman advised, “What every divorced woman needs are a good gynecologist and a good lawyer.” I thought that was quite cosmopolitan. Availing myself of neither, I trudged into the land of the heartbroken and enraged.

What every divorced woman needs is a man, right? Lovers turned to losers and after years of dramatic domestic disasters, I learned that what every divorced woman needs is a little discernment. But discernment remained buried beneath my mountain of rage.

What every divorced woman needs is to lose the rage. I prayed it away. It took more than a decade.. I prayed in humble Baptist churches, pretentious Anglican churches, in Yorkminster and Westminster, in ancient mosaic-crusted cathedrals, in airport chapels and hospital chapels, in house churches of persecuted Christians, in retreat houses and Salvation Army kitchens. I prayed in Haiti and Uganda’s open-air churches and in a church in Pampanga with shower curtain walls and water buffalo providing the base notes to “Amazing Grace.”

I don’t know on which altar I laid my last rock of rage, but one day I realized I was making choices not curdled by “I’ll show you, you @%” I was free, free to make choices not driven by anger. I still make mistakes, enough to fill a fail blog of my own, but instead of adding to my mountain of rage, these mistakes fertilize a tiny plot of wisdom.

What every divorced woman needs are children. For it never really was all about “And they all lived happily every after.” It is all about these children who make my heart hum “When did she become a beauty; when did they grow so tall?” These children, now grown so strong and kind, so beautiful and tall.

What every divorced woman needs is a cozy nest with guest rooms for grandkids. My idea of cozy is a rocking chair, Jamaican coffee, Italian wine, green tea and gingersnaps. Plus two dogs. For how can I be gloomy when Homer is eating the crayons and the grandkids are predicting rainbow poop? How can I be lonely when Bailey snuggles beside me on the forbidden sofa while Homer trots off with her favorite bone? A library of chick flicks and a library card and a toy box for the kids. Fine art on the wall. My two Michelangelo prints – the Pieta and The David – meant to inspire Art Appreciation– are known  by the grandkids as Jesus, Mary, and the Weiner Man. If cozy does not get a little crazy, a divorced woman may develop the personality of a tea cozy and then knit one.

Most of all, what every divorced woman needs is faith that when the final curtain falls her final bow will be to God who kicked her butt routinely and held her hand through it all.



3 Responses to “DIVORCE”

  1. jeanie Says:

    That’s awesome! A friend put me onto your blog today. I like it… looking forward to more good reads.

  2. LaVerne Says:

    Divorced is my favorite, so far. I’m sure I will be updating that statement the more I read, cause that’s just how good your writing is and that’s just how close to my heart is your heart. I’ve missed your brilliant writing. I miss you too!

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